The way we see ourselves are based on our desires, and for the most part, we don't live up to those desires. Anyone who sees themselves as exceeding all that he or she wants has an enormous amount of hubris, and thankfully, there aren't many people who think like this (if you do think like this, you probably need help, but then again, you probably won't listen to this advice if you do). So, again, most people do not live up to their desires inside their mind, and this is true as long as you have not found the secret to eternal happiness or if you do not have an incredible amount of pride.
Similarly, the way we want to be perceived corresponds with our hopes. Everyone hopes that they are the best person they could ever want to be, yet time and again, we feel that is not the case. And what do we do? We keep on hoping, despite what we perceive. G.K. Chesterton once alluded to the fact that a virtue is not a virtue unless people hold to that virtue when it is most inappropriate. When is courage a virtue if not when in the face of great fear? How can faith be a virtue when nothing challenges that faith? Likewise, as Chesterton says, "Hope means hoping when things are hopeless." We have hopes for ourselves even when we feel that we do not fulfill those hopes, and that is why we hope.
Lastly, the way we are actually perceived, devoid of all pretense, the way we actually are, is born out of a need to connect with others around us. Unlike the ways we see ourselves and want ourselves to be seen, the way we actually are is always somewhere in the middle. We are never bad as what we think we are, and we will never be as good as what we hope to be. Yet, this final way is what we need to aspire to be. This is Aristotle's "happy medium," this is what he calls true virtue. And it is a very natural need, for it leads us to connect with other people, our natural brothers and sisters.
Now, what does this all have to do with that infamous quote, "Perception is Reality"? Note my previous usage of the word perceived. This quote does indeed hold water, one just has to look at modern politics and the viral media to verify it. If one person spreads a rumor on the digital grapevine, soon everyone believes it whether it is true or not. A few years back, a few Duke lacrosse players were accused of raping a female stripper, and the media tore them apart. Later, they were cleansed of all charges by the courts as this accusation was false, but the damage was done. The public eye had long since shifted elsewhere, and those young men would always be remembered for something they did not do. Perception had become Reality. I want to delineate between Reality and Truth here. Reality can be changed by our Perception of it. The Truth, by its very definition, cannot be changed at all. Two plus two will always equal four. Truth is absolute. Truth is Truth. Reality, however, is relative, and it fluxes constantly.
Apply this observation of Reality and Truth to the observations I made about the perception of the self. The first two perceptions are locked in Reality. We will always have our hopes and desires, and both will constantly be dashed. The last perception, as a true virtue, is the one that cannot be changed, and for that reason, it connects us with the people around us; for that reason, it is the only perception we can fulfill, for people as social beings have always and will always connect with other people.
Finally though, my musings beg the question, "How do we live by the Truth of who we actually are?" and to this question, I answer that, while we cannot do away with our desires or our hopes, we can actually know the Truth of who we are. That is not to say we will succeed in achieving this knowledge, but we must still strive to know it. We must not succumb to perceptions, we must not falter to reality. For what virtue would Truth be if we could easily attain it?
